Why not become a Big Brother or Big Sister?

Above: Tony Hollow, executive director of BB/BS of Jackson County. PHOTO BY JOHN HUMMER

By John Hummer
Editor

In today’s world, there are countless cases where a child grows up in a single parent or guardian household. One parent may have passed away, fled to another area, may be incarcerated, or otherwise is not available to do his or her side of the parenting role. Divorce may have caused a strained relationship between parent and child. And who knows what else.

One organization making a hugely positive impact in children’s lives is Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Jackson County. Their mission is to provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one relationships that change their lives for the better, forever. Their vision is that all children have success in life.

The littles in the program generally need a good role model – someone they can look up to and talk to on a friendship basis, especially when life is hard. The bigs and littles also have fun together, with bigs often providing the littles with some experiences they might not have had otherwise.

BB/BS is the oldest, largest, and most effective youth mentoring organization in the United States. It has served children ages 6-18 for over 100 years. This year BB/BS of Jackson County has been in existence for 58 years.

Tony Hollow is starting his ninth year as executive director of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Jackson County. Hollow was previously superintendent of Vandercook Lake Public Schools where he spent 29 years of his career before retiring from the school district.

Hollow says there are currently around 150 total matches of bigs with littles in BB/BS of Jackson County. That includes both community-based and school- or site-based matches. However, there is a big need for more bigs – especially men to be big brothers for littles. (More on that below.)

“Community-based matches are based on activities that they do together,” says Hollow. “Going to a movie, a ballgame, shooting hoops, gaming, hunting, fishing, doing make-up (mainly girls) – whatever builds common interests in that match – it’s all based on community.”

Bigs meet with their littles one hour a week in the community. Together they decide the time and activities they will do together. The mentoring relationship, at minimum, will last one year. When they finish the program at some point, a friendship might continue to last a lifetime.

The school- or site-based matches occur when a big meets their little at their school, generally during their lunch period (usually for an hour), once a week for the school year. “They coordinate with a counselor, a teacher, or the principal and work with that kid during lunch,” Hollow noted. “They focus on the academic weakness of the child,” adding that they also work on underlying issues such as time management, behavioral problems, etc. “It’s similar to what a tutor does, but their relationship is different. The support that our bigs receive not only allows them to do the academic help but also work on the social and emotional part as well because the kids have a responsible caring adult guiding them. The big brother or big sister brings in the whole organization to assist that kid – all the programming types of things that we do – whether it’s Breakfast with Santa, a Thanksgiving feast, a back-to-school picnic.”

The BB/BS of Jackson County facilitates one activity per month. Coming up later this month is their Back-to-School Picnic. “We provide back-to-school transitional strategies for the kids – transitioning them into their new schedule and helping them get their new school year off to a good start,” Hollow explained.

Children new to the program don’t yet have to be matched – maybe if they’re waiting for a big – to participate in BB/BS-sponsored activities. “Once a child is signed up to be a little from their parent or guardian, that child is now in our program,” noted Hollow. “All of those kids can go to these events – they’re not just for our little brothers and little sisters who are actively matched. While we’re waiting for that match to happen, all of the littles in our program are invited to go.

“I know many of our parents and guardians get frustrated as they wait for a big, but at least they’re still involved in our program while we’re patiently awaiting a big,” Hollow continued.

There are currently around 30 children enrolled with the BB/BS of Jackson County organization that are awaiting a big. Hollow says about 90 percent of those waiting for a big are boys. “We need big brothers – that’s where the need is – it’s hard to find them,” he said.

Hollow thinks there are misconceptions out there leading to the shortage of big brothers. “Misconceptions are money, time, and resources,” he says. “It just doesn’t take that much time. It doesn’t cost that much money. It doesn’t take many resources. It just takes love and care and the passion to want to provide a kid a future as bright as they had. If anything, we encourage bigs not to spend money. Once they get in the program, they want to spend more time and more money and more resources than they should because the relationship is so strong – and we hold them back from [spending a lot of money].” Hollow stressed, though, that time is the biggest worry for potential big brothers that have thought about getting involved in the program and noted that there are many activities to do with a little that don’t involve spending money. The time commitment is generally one hour per week.

In addition, Hollow also said there are natural concerns about the safety of the program. “We’ve now gotten into a society that is not as trusting as it used to be,” he stated.

To stem those concerns, the BB/BS office has a quality assurance person that is specifically assigned to make sure matches are safe. “We wouldn’t be here for over a hundred years unless we provided a safe quality program – and we do,” Hollow said. “That issue is always one of concern for people, but we’re top notch in regard to the safety part of a match.”

Potential bigs must go through a screening process that includes background and driving record checks, as well as an interview and reference checks.

 Hollow says the compatibility factor with the littles’ parents or guardians is also important in assessing the quality of the match. “We want the relationship to be safe; we want the relationship to be long-lasting,” he stated. “So, the application process is something that we take really serious.”

Any person interested in becoming a big can apply online or call the BB/BS of Jackson County’s office.

For any parents or guardians that would like to sign their child up for the program, they must visit the office located in Jackson YMCA building at 127 W. Wesley St., Jackson. Hollow says there is also the opportunity for a little to come with a pre-selected big to enroll in the program.

Being located within the “Y” building, Hollow noted there are special opportunities for bigs and littles to use their facilities.

For more information on the BB/BS of Jackson County, visit bbbsjackson.org or call 517-784-7181.

One big brother has changed the life of his little brother in a big way

Big Brother Bill Blakemore, left, stands with his “not-so-little anymore” little brother Kayden Herr.

One young gentleman who received more caring, love, and hope through BB/BS of Jackson County is Kayden Herr, a recent graduate of the program, as he “aged out” as a little in June of this year.

Bill Blakemore had been Kayden’s big brother for nine years, starting as his big in 2016 when Kayden was in third grade at Townsend Elementary. The two had been friends for three years prior in a program through Jackson Free Methodist Church called Kids Hope USA. They came to BB/BS of Jackson County as a “packaged match” to start the program.

“I wanted something structured,” Blakemore noted as to why they approached the BB/BS program, noting that the events they sponsored was a drawing card. “I wanted the structure of being able to do things and have some accountability with his parents (mother and stepfather), who have supported me from day one.”

Blakemore became Kayden’s big under the school- or site-based program at first. Blakemore noted when he first met Kayden at his school, “He was cowered in the fetal position in a corner.” How things changed. As the relationship evolved, he became known as “Mr. Bill” by friends of Kayden’s.

Later on, in Kayden’s early teen years, Blakemore was ready to quit but had a chat with Executive Director Tony Hollow and one of the match specialists who encouraged him to keep trying. He did.

The two then switched over to the community-based program where they could do things out of the school setting. They mostly have done simple things like go to fast food restaurants and local parks to play catch with a baseball or football. In addition, Blakemore said, “We’ve gone to MIS a couple times and two or three Detroit Tiger games.”

One of the things Blakemore is most proud of is teaching Kayden basic social skills and manners – like shaking hands when introduced to others and holding doors open for other people. “He said he didn’t like people and didn’t want to be around people,” Blakemore shared. “As we went out more, he got more comfortable. His manners have improved.”

Another proud moment is when the two were featured in an interview about BB/BS on the Bart Hawley show on JTV. “He didn’t just sit there – he had answers,” Blakemore said, noting that he had positive feedback from staff of the show. Hawley even told Blakemore after a future follow-up interview or two, “I’ve seen some improvement in that kid over the years.”

Kayden graduated from high school in June after taking some virtual courses. He recently started a job doing construction work. “I’m so thankful he’s working,” Blakemore said proudly. “They definitely need people in the trades. He can learn and move up in that trade.”

Kayden said in a letter to Blakemore, shared with the Exponent, in part: “I can’t even imagine being half the person I am today without you guiding me and helping me grow. If I hadn’t signed up for this program, I fear I’d still be that chaos-making, attention-seeking kid, stuck in the corner and completely out of touch with reality. But now, looking back, I can actually see the growth. I’ve matured, and that’s because I had someone like you standing by me – supporting nearly every decision and helping me find the right path.”

The letter continues, “Thank you for not giving up on me when I had given up on myself. Thank you for believing there was more to me, and for pushing me to see that for myself. I never really thought I had much of a future, especially when it came to school – but you showed me I do.”

The letter concludes: “As I walk down this next path in life, I’ll always look back at you as the person who helped me discover who I could truly be. Thank you most of all for being my friend.”